WHAT IS ATTACHMENT THEORY?

Attachment Theory was developed by a British psychiatrist John Bowlby in 1958, and is based on the work that he did with children. The term attachment describes the deep bond that develops between a child and its caregivers from infancy, which depends on the emotional responsiveness of the caregivers to the child to create the security and closeness of that bond. All infants do not attach to caregivers in the same way due to the differing levels of sensitivity and responsiveness on the part of their caregivers. According to Bowlby, attachment is adaptive in nature in order to enhance the child’s chance of survival and children are biologically pre-programmed to form attachments with others to help them survive. Attachment behaviors are behaviors exhibited by a child to protect the closeness of the bond with their caregiver and enhance their survival e.g. crying and clinging.

The term Attachment Style is derived from Attachment Theory, and describes one of the four particular attachment adaptations that develop in childhood by the age of two, and which become the style of relating emotionally to others in adulthood. This emotional blue print plays out in all your intimate/romantic relationships including the relationship you have with your own children. This blue print or internal working model provides the framework for what a child believes about their own self worth and how they can or cannot get their needs met. It also becomes the framework we carry as adults to navigate our adult relationships, especially our romantic relationships, and how we will give and receive love.

The four different attachment styles are Secure, Anxious Pre-Occupied, Dismissive Avoidant, and Fearful Avoidant/Disorganized. These attachment styles are found along a continuum and are not black and white. Attachment styles can also change during one’s lifespan, depending on the relationship experiences and different attachments we develop with others. Our attachment style may shift to a more insecure attachment style after an abusive relationship, or may shift to a more secure version if we partner up with someone who is secure.

Integrated Attachment Theory™ is a powerful coaching model that that focuses on healing the internal working model of our attachment style. It provides a framework to explore and reprogram the subconscious thoughts and beliefs we carry about ourselves and our relationships, and heal the attachment wounds we experienced in childhood that continue to play out in our current relationships. Through the lens of IAT™ we are able to discover our needs and how to get them met, learn about our triggers and how to manage and heal them. IAT™ is an excellent framework for understanding our emotional patterns, coping mechanisms and developing emotional literacy in ourselves and relationships.

Relational Life Therapy founded by Terry Real LMFT, is a therapeutic coaching model I also use for individuals and couples that is also based on Attachment Theory. It is particularly effective for couples and is known for getting results faster than other couples based therapies. It focuses on both the emotional health of the individual and the health of the relationship to create long lasting changes as well as characterological tranformation in partners. It is particularly effective for high conflict couples and teaches couples the skills of how to be relational which we are often not taught growing up.

Whether you are an individual or a couple, my focus will be on helping you create a healthy and secure relationship to yourself and a healthy marriage/partnership using the above two models!